I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
