I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
