dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
