so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
