My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
