Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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