I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
