I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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