we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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