Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
