Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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