what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
