i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize