I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I would fuck him just for his dog
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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