he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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