My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
