I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
