ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
