In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize