Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
