I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
