Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
