I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
