Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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