Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
