Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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