I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The air taste purple.
Randomize
