Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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