He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
