my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
