I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
