my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
