dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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