i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
