Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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