well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
NoShamevember. You game?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
