Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
