Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
