Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize