I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
