I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
