there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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