I skipped work to stalk him.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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