just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize