3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
