I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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