Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize