the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
