I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
