he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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