found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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