"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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