i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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