why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
