I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
