This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
