I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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