this beer tastes like vomit already
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
