There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize