I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize