Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
