matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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