i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize