Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
