so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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