found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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