Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
