Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
