good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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