am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
