I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
3pm strippers are depressing
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
