cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
