Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
