So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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