I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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