found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
FUCK WHALES
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
