Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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