My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
