every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
