YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
